Happy Halloween!

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Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti

So, I have been reading this book recently called Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, a strange title for an amazing book. I found this particular excerpt to be fascinating and I thought I would share it with you. It's a smidgen lengthy, but a good read. It's the Interpersonal Communications Major rising up within me that gets me excited about this junk. So, see if you agree. Here goes:

Men are like waffles. Men process life in boxes. A waffle is a collection of boxes separated by walls. The boxes are all separate from each other and make convenient holding places. That is typically how a man processes life. A man's thinking is divided up into boxes that have room for only one issue. The first issue of life goes in the first box, the second goes in the second box, and so on. The typical man spends time in only one box at a time. When a man is at work, he is at work. When he is in the garage tinkering around, he is in the garage tinkering. When he is watching TV, he is simply watching TV. Social scientists call this compartmentalizing.

Women are like spaghetti. In contrast to men's wafflelike appraoch, women process life more like a plate of spaghetti, you notice that the individual noodles all touch one another. If you attempted to follow one noodle around the plate, you would intersect a lot of other noodles, and you might even switch to another noodle seamlessly. That is how women face life. Every thought and issue is connected to every other thought and issue in some way. Life is much more of a process for women than it is for men. This is why women are typically better at multitasking than men. A woman can talk on the phone, prepare a meal , make a shopping list, work on the planning for tomorrow's business meeting, give instructions to her children as they are going out to play, and close the door with her foot-all without skipping a beat.

I Prayed For A Blog Worthy Day...Seriously.

Ok friends. It has happened again. Another random encounter with a fabulously odd person. If I swore, I would swear God is up to something. Either it's because I get such a kick out of people who are strange or He wants me to have something particularly humorous to blog about. Not sure which. So, here is what happened today...

Evie and I were at the Towson Library. We were heading to the check out counter. My arms are burdened down with all our books, CD's, and Elmo DVD's. My bag is strewn over my shoulder and is about to fall down in less than a second. I have Evie by the hand so I can direct her away from her favorite activity..."arranging" the CD's. We pass this woman. Let me explain.

She's very, um shall we say, library-esque. She is maybe mid-40's. Longish hair, tossed in a bun on her head. A cotton turtle neck that I dare say is a bit faded and (gasp) a floor length denim skirt that went out of style circa 1988.

Her face lights up when she see's Evie. I almost think that maybe she knows Evie, from the way she is gawking at her.

But then she opens her mouth and says, "Hi Nina!!" And continues to walk past me speaking Spanish gibberish. I took French.

Ok, whatever. I carry on and don't think too much of it. That's not even the funny part.

After we check out, we are heading towards the exit when Crazy Library Lady comes up to me. She says (and this is a direct quote):

"I didn't mean to weird you out before. I know her name is not Nina. It's the Spanish word for girl."

Oh no! Did my face decieve me and actually show my true emotion towards her?

"You didn't" I say.


Then Evie hands her our book receipt and CLL looks down at it and says in ridiculously fluent Spanish "O, Seasme Street!!" Yeah, I didn't know you could say it with a Spanish accent, as an American. But, I distinctly heard it.

"Do you like Seasme Street?" CLL asks.

Evie normally gets shy around strangers (I've taught her "Stranger Danger!") So, I answer for her..."Yes. She does"

But I say to myself, "Yes. She gusta very much! Now goodbye."

Perfectly Imperfect

I can't lie to you people. I wish I could, but I can't. I try to pretend my family is on the normal side of average. But no. I try to cover up our dysfunction. It's no use. We are positively abnormal. Except, what family is normal? What is considered normal these days? So, maybe your family is abnormal, making my family look like sweet kittens comparatively. For example, pictured above...my brother wanted to make it look like he was eating our nephew's head. But, I digress.

My weekend started out well enough. I went to visit Tori at her farm for our anuual weekend Halloween Extravaganza. It includes some pumpkin carving, Halloween movie watching, baking, and general merriment. One year while we were still in college, we began this tradition with some of our girlfriends. Our movie of choice? Sleepy Hollow. The one with Johnny Depp. Big mistake. It's awful. No, no. Worse than awful. We thought the Johnny Depp/Tim Burton thing would make it worthy of our time, but we were sadly mistaken. In fact, I had already seen it and I distinctly remember telling Tori that we should choose another movie, but she hadn't seen it...

This year we chose Practical Magic. Instead of carving pumpkins (the pumpkin patch was CLOSED), we baked some cupcakes from scratch. Take note friends...it's the humble beginnings of the cupcake store I plan to own and operate someday called "All About Sprinkles" or "The Cute Cupcake", or something equally as charming.

Anyways, I was telling you about my dysfunctionally functional family. I have 7 nieces and nephews and all of them have birthdays (well, who doesn't?). So that's 7 months out of 12, about 58% of the year, we are having a party. My sister-in-law, whom I love, is a party queen. She has created these elaborate parties since her kids were in the womb. And, it gets worse. She has to out do herself every stinkin' year, which will soon become impossible unless we start shuttling the children to outer space at one of these Baldwin Shingdigs. I fear the years to come.


This was last year's "donut game". It was so last season. My brother-in-law, goin at it.

Every time one of these parties is over, you can hear Sarah say "Yeah, I don't think I am going to do a party like this again." Haha. Just wait. She has placed herself in her very own conundrum. Her own little crazy Catch 22. She can't give one of her children a crazy party and then forget the other two. Except, I think poor Lucas has not had a birthday party in two years (he's the middle child, go figure).

So, I had to get there early to man my "station".

...um yes, I said "station".

There were five stations, each manned by a family member. This was not including the pinata that had to be smacked, presents that had to be opened, and cake that had to be eaten.

The stations were as follows:

1) moonbounce

2) bobbing for apples

3) caramel dipping

4) face painting

5) art project (magnet making)

Oh. Did I mention she invites the entire neighborhood?

Yes. The whole block.

There were about 20 some children.

Then there is my brother, Timmy. Sweet. Wonderful. Compulsively clean Timmy. He abhores messes. He hates loud romping. He loathes chaos in any form. He despises uncleanliness. You can imagine that one of these parties is everything he dreams of...and more.

Yes. In his nightmares.

My brother has a real problem with compulsively cleaning. You think I am kidding? At one time I lived with Timmy and his family. I left my coffee on the counter, walked upstairs to grab something, and came back for my coffee literally 45 seconds later and my coffee had been dumped. Also, I would leave to go somewhere and realizing I forgot to grab something, I would come back to get it, leaving my keys strewn on the counter by the door. Gone in 60 seconds. By the time I went to grab whatever I forgot and came back to my keys, they had already been nicely tucked away into the key box.

All this to say, Tori had fixed a plate of food at the party, placed it on the kitchen counter. Left it for like 30 seconds, only to come back to nothing. She doesn't think Timmy threw it out, but I submit he did. He's like Flash!

Anywho, then we have Sarah's cooking which is rumored to be Food Network worthy in 48 out 50 states. She is an amazing cook. I am blessed to be called her sous chef. She taught me a lot of what I know. The day before the party, she calls me in a frenzy because she didn't think she had made enough food. Now granted, it was far less than she normally makes, but still there was so much food left over she was sending the adults home with a goodie bag of their own. Let me list what was offered:

hot dogs

vegetarian chili

fruit plate (with pomegranate)

veggie plate

spinach and artichoke dip

chips and dip

brownies

cake

potoato skins

pasta salad

Then there were the already crazed, hyped up on sugar children running to and fro. My station was the caramel dipping. After the kids bobbed for apples, they dipped the apple in caramel and then rolled it around in chocolate chips and sprinkles. Perfectly messy. Yummy. But messy. Then I had these two little hoarders that lingered around the table to lick up any of the excess caramel that had dripped off of the apples onto the cookie sheets. And these were the oldest kids at the party!!! We had to cut them off.

Reid eating straight up sprinkles...

Then there was the face painting fiasco. Sarah didn't think through the whole painted faces being dunked into a tub of water at the bobbing for apples station, so we had a bunch of children running around looking like little zombies with smudged faces. Sheesh.

But you know what? I wouldn't trade these memories for anything in the world because it's my family. It's fun. We are unique. We love parties. We love food. We love to laugh. We love to go behind guests and check for ring spots on the wooden funiture with a paper towel. We love the after party when we sit down in the quiet house with a cup of coffee and discuss the details of the day with each other. It makes the day so worth it.

The Finger

I honestly can't do the situation that happened to me this morning on my commute to work any justice, so I will give it over one more time to my friend Brian Regan. He has captured this quintesstential moment in it's comical entirety.


I am Brian in this situation...

Oh Angel, My Angel...

This blog is dedicated to one of the most dedicated girls I know. Angel May. She and I taught at the Christian Community Child Care Center in Salisbury. I miss her face! She was one of the best reasons to get up and go to work every day (besides Jesus and the kids). Most days were long, exhausting, and thankless. But the joy that we had working side by side could never be measured. Mostly I miss our long conversations and how she knew absolutely every detail of my existence. Some days she seemed to know me better than I knew myself. I also miss our random outings and ridiculous times. I miss the laughter. I miss the tears (mostly mine). Here are a few pictures of our time together, but it doesn't even scratch the surface.



One of my crazy ideas to bake with the kids. She hates messes and doesn't really bake. But she was always a trooper.

Our 2nd Annual Turkey Bowl. We made the kids actually bowl with turkeys (or rather Purdue cornish hens, but whatever). We also made them wear jerseys and made stations. Each one was represented by a team. Here, she shows her love for our favorite quarterback (Brett Favre, yeah this was last year remember).

This was a booth at the Furniture Land in Delmar. I not only made her come with me late one night to look for bedroom furniture, but also forced her to get out of the car and take a picture of the fake phone booth.

At Sam's Club. It was always an interesting time shopping for the day care's groceries with me. I saw the horse and couldn't resist.

At my nephew's birthday party last October. She came home with me and met my crazy family.

At the Baltimore Aquarium. We had to show the kids what sound the fish make.

Just hanging out on the floor with some of our kids. Most days I hated that I was a human jungle gym, but now I wouldn't trade those memories for anything...

Angel. Wherever you is, call me!!! We need to talk. There is lots to tell you. Miss you.

Gorgon the DESTROYER!!!

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Funny Family Moment

So, I was babysitting for Timmy's kids on Saturday and we were playing in the living room. Laura came with me to help out and keep me company after the kids went to bed. Reid (age 4) was playing with a birthday card my mom had sent to my brother. It had Dr. Evil on the front from Austin Powers. When you open it up, Dr. Evil's voice rings out with some funny lines from the movie. Reid decided he wanted to go play with the card upstairs in his room by himself. About a minute or two later, he comes down the steps and says, "I need scissors".

Laura and I gave each other a look that said, "Why the crap does he need scissors?" He goes over to the desk, gets the scissors and then begins to head toward the stairs.

Whoa. Whoa. Wait buddy. "Where are you going with those scissors?", I say.

"Upstairs."

"Why?"

"I need to do something."

Of course I was planning on following him up to his room to figure out his plan. I envisioned leaving him alone in there and then a few minutes later finding him with chunks of hair on the floor, his blanket all cut up and maybe even something more disturbing. But before we go, Laura says, "Hey buddy. You need to carry the scissors right." He had been holding them pointing up towards his face. He didn't seem to pay her much mind, so I think she might have repeated herself. In fact, she went over to him and demonstrated how to hold the scissors, even putting them in the correct position and wrapping his little fingers around them. And then my precious Phoebe goes, "Yeah. He doesn't know how to do that."

I guess Timmy isn't interested in teaching his kids general safety rules.

Next time, we are going to learn how to stick our fingers in the light socket.

(For those interested, when I followed him upstairs, his plan was to cut the battery out of the back of the card because after he sat up there and tore it up, he figured he wanted the battery out as well.)

Brian Regan on Children's Books

Read one of Evie's new toddler books yesterday, and this morning, and probably tomorrow.
So, without further ado, I give you a dramatic reading of "Spooky":


Bats
Ghost
Pumpkin
Treats
Toad
Spider's web
Cat
Witch
Stars
Owl

Reminds me of the Brian Regan comedy bit about children's books...



The synopsis on the back of Evie's "Spooky" book is as follows:

"This first learning book is an ideal introduction to halloween and has exciting textures for your baby to touch and feel. It has first words that will stimulate the senses. For ages zero and up."

Bringing Up Old Skeletons...

Hello friends!

Hope you are all well. I was online this morning and found my old blog!! How exciting. I was reading it over and it's so amazing to see how far I have come, but also to see how I am so much the same person today. I wrote this blog while I was on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ. I was 24 and in the middle of raising support for my full-time ministry. As I read over it a little today, I am a little shocked at how insigthful I was!! I almost feel less spiritually mature now then I was during that time. Hopefully not. Haha. Anywho, I thought I would post the link so you could take a gander at what I was going through during that time. Sometimes you don't realize how God is working until after the fact, so this has been eye opening for me and hopefully you can glean something about God from my experiences.

www.rockintheblogger.blogspot.com

Enjoy.


Love,
JB

Zombie Madness

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MMM...MMM...GOOOOOOD (Michael Phelps, Mika, and Music)

Ok, so you all know I am random. Let me let you in on how perfectly random I am...

I heart Michael Phelps. So, naturally I was on You Tube looking up some recent videos of things he has been up to lately. Oprah. Saturday Night Live. Jimmy Kimmel. It is the latter I wish to discuss. While on Jimmy Kimmel, he did a short parody of a commercial for Grey's Anatomy. I would feature it on my blog, but due to it's smidgen of vulgarity, I will not post it. This is a family blog!! Haha. But, I know I teased you enough, so if you want to watch it, visit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5NlRmlsmZc

(It's really not that bad, but I didn't want anything offensive on my site)

Ok, so I heard the song in the background and loved it. I looked up the lyrics and found it was written my a Labenese pop singer named Mika (pronounced Meek-a). The song is called "Grace Kelly" and is featured in my blog if you would like to partake in the deliciousness that is Mika. While I was looking up his song on You Tube and then on i tunes, I stumbled upon a gem of a song that is the typical poppy kind of song that lasts a week until fans move onto the next Big Thing. Fickle people. I downloaded said song, written by Mika, and here is the music video of his song called "Lollipop". It is a strange mixture of bubblegum pop and quirky coolness. Don't hate.

Mika's picture again for your viewing pleasure...he looks like Josh Groban, no?

Ok, signing off. JB.

PS. Michael Phelps is on a box of Corn Flakes. I bought a box. I don't eat Corn Flakes. I just bought a superfluous box of Corn Flakes.

A Must Read If You Need to Laugh...

An actual phone conversation I had today while at work:

Me: Hello

(silence)

Me: Hello?

Confused Lady:Yes, hi. May I speak to Brandon please?

Me: I'm sorry, he's not in at the moment. May I take a message?

Confused Lady: Well, I am calling from the office of Obama...(slight pause) for president.

Me: Well, how many Obama's are out there, right? Haha.

Confused Lady: (Nervous laugh) Yes well...

I Need to Ask My Questions...

These things plague me on a daily basis.

Why would you make a product that is only 70% organic? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of it being free from all sorts of toxic additives?

Why do people rubberneck on the highway? If you aren't going to stop and help the poor people in the fender bender, atleast have the decency to move at a steady pace for the rest of us who need to be somewhere in a timely fashion.


If you are going to buy a book or movie, why would you ever buy it at Barnes and Noble where the pricing is ridiculously...well, pricey?


Why can't Christmas music be played all year round?


Why do we keep making plastic bags when they never biodegrade and emit gross toxins into the air?

Why do people clap at the end of a good movie in the theater? They can't hear you people...

Why do people insist on walking at a snail's pace in the mall, virtually blocking off all passersby?

What exactly is SPAM, Laura?

Why is my iced coffee at one Dunkin Donuts $2.01 while at another one down the road (literally 5 miles) is $2.32?

My Name is Jenny and I Love Halloween

Ok, I confess. Did you know that I love all things Halloween? I sometimes wonder what I would be like if I did not have Jesus in my life. Would I be into witch craft and all sorts of dark things only matched by the evil found in the movie The Craft?

Doubtful.

But I also confess that I have always been intrigued by Halloween, even as a little girl. Growing up as the daughter of an Army Chaplin, for all you non-miltary folk that's like a pastor, I always loved October 31st.

Was it the fact that we were allowed to wear costumes in school and every work related task had to do with the Day of the Dead? Words Searches. Halloween songs in music class (I loved the one about the old woman who found a skeleton in the closet). Stories about haunted houses and scary bats, vampires, and witches.

Maybe.

Or was it because I could pretend to be someone I wasn't, if just for the day? Angels. Princesses. Fairies. Witches. And as I got older, fun movie characters like Mary Catherine Gallagher from Superstar.

Perhaps.

Was it the fact that I was allowed to stay up past my bed time and then on top of that, stay up even later to eat some candy before bed?

Possibly.

Was it because there were all sorts of special shows on TV that featured scary goblins, witches, and ghosts. I loved Are You Afraid of the Dark? and movies like Hocus Pocus became my all time favorite as a child.

We're getting closer.

For whatever it's worth, though I know it's not much, I have enjoyed this October month above all others. I have a special place in my heart for the crisp night air and changing leaves that All Hallow's Eve brings to us.

But you want to know the secret behind why I love it so much?

Stories.

I love stories. Always have. In third grade, I remember my dad "caught" me in my room reading a biography about Betsy Ross.

Ok, I realize this officially nerd-ifies me, but I don't care. Who doesn't like a good story? Who doesn't love a happy ending? Or a conflict that brings two characters together? I dare say that most of you can be found on a Friday evening watching some sort of movie. And movies are no more than a good story with plot twists, action, adventure, someone who needs to be saved, or something that needs to be found. I love people, so it makes sense that I would love stories because all good stories are about people (hello, I was an Interpersonal Communications major). So back to why I love Halloween...I love the stories of Halloween. There is an added measure of creepiness and fright. There is something about a good mystery that I adore because there is usually some good explanation for something that at the start seems haunted, especially on the kid type shows. Nothing more than a man behind the Great Wizard of Oz Mask, for example. Add to that my love for Biology (mostly I am fascinated with the human body and how it works), so stories about rotting bodies and scary diseases make me excited. Again, I realize that you see me on a whole new level now...sorry.

I really think God places within us the love of stories. The whole Bible is made up of them. Real accounts of people. A real story of love (God loves his people), conflict (Jacob and Esau) compassion (Jesus dies for his love, the church), adventure (Jesus calms a storm...hello), excitment (Jonah is INSIDE a whale), mystery (what will Heaven really be like?), and so much more.

I am going to stop before I start to sound too cliche, or worse, like a typical Christian (shuddering at the thought). It's just no wonder why we love stories. The world is full of them. Don't you just get a little excited when someone says, "Have I got a story for you", or "Oh, funny story...", or "that reminds me of the time when..."? It's true and you know it!

Anyways. I submit for your approval, the Hocus Pocus clip from above and these awesome clips from the new Harry Potter and Twilight films. They are wickedly awesome. Enjoy.

Funny Quote from the Nephew

My sister and her family came into town for the Michael Phelps parade this weekend. Tori also stopped in, so we had an amazingly fun weekend. It just so happens that Tori and I were down at my sister's house last weekend to go to Busch Gardens, so it has been two weeks of visiting with her and her family.


Well, on Sunday, my sister and her family (husband Michael and all four kids- Liam, Nathan, Eliza, and Jacob) came with me to my church. We went to pick up Nathan in the nursery and I walked past a friend I know from my weekly small group, so I stopped to say "hi". A few seconds later I hear my sister laughing hysterically. After saying goodbye to my friend, I asked my sister why she was laughing. Apparently, my oldest nephew Jacob, upon seeing that I stopped to talk to someone says to her "Oh, good!! Aunt Jenny has other friends besides Tori".


Yes nephew, it's true. I do have more than one friend.

Walmart: The Twilight Zone

So, I am at Walmart today and had quite an experience. I have promised many that going for groceries is always an adventure with me...maybe now you will believe me.

First things first. Evelyn got upset with me because we were in the cereal aisle and it's her new favorite food and word. She began asking for cereal and I politely said "no" and then offered her the snack I packed for her.

She threw it on the ground. Strike one for Jenny.

She begins screaming for cereal and I mean screaming for cereal.

I got so many looks from people, like me, who stare at the mother who can't control their child while out in public. So, I became that "mother" I have always hated and gave her her pacifier so I could shop in peace. This was after attempting to explain in a rational way why she could not have the cereal (didn't work, ps.).

Then after a bit, I needed to pee. Sorry, I mean "relieve myself". We head to the bathrooms in the back and I enter into a strange situation. A man, a Walmart employee, is standing there looking at himself in the mirror from all angels. At first, I am thinking that he is supposed to be in the woman's bathroom cleaning. Then I realized that I never really looked at the signs, so I could very easily have walked into the wrong bathroom. After asking aloud, "Am I in the wrong bathroom?", I got no response from the rather large man preening himself in the mirror (is that what you guys do in there??). I exit and find to my chagrin that yes, in fact, I had stumbled into the wrong bathroom.

Strike Two.


I continue shopping, making it a point to avoid the Man in the Mirror, when an employee walks up next to me and says, "I'm getting ready to have one of those". Thinking she means the Fiber One bars I am holding, I was gearing up to say something about how much I loved them when I turn and see her pointing at Evelyn.

I'm sorry, did you just call my little friend "one of those"????

I tuck the witty retort I was about to throw her way into my back pocket and sweetly asked her when she was due and if it was her first.

"Yah. It's my first and my BF's fourth."

"Score. Looks like you found yourself a keeper!!"

(Am I still on the Eastern Shore people??)

I was getting ready to check out. I see a light on at a register and there is no cashier. I hesitate, thinking I should keep walking, but prehaps there is a cashier, she's just run off to the commode or something. In my brief moment of hesitation, I hear a voice calling from two aisle's over, "I'll be right there!". I glance over to see a fake blonde peering over the candy and tabloid display. She is obviously stocking the shelves. I reply with, "Ok". Meanwhile, I am busy loading the conveyer belt with my fun grocery finds. I really am not minding that Cashier Girl is taking her time because I have my hands full.

A short gentleman (I do mean short, he was shorter than myself and I am 5 feet, 6 inches tall) in a nice suit, scurries into the line and without pause says, "Well, where is she? The cashier?".

Here is the conversation that soon follows, I wish I could tell you that I am making this up. Believe me:

By the way, Suitman was speaking loud enough for Cashier Girl to overhear (at a decibal slightly over a dull roar):

Me: "Well, she's over there" pointing to where she is
Suitman: "Well, doesn't she know she has customers?"
Me: "Yes. She says she's coming."
Suitman: "She's not coming fast enough" looks at his watch
Me: "Yes. She is--"

But what she is, Suitman will never know because he cuts me off with his next line.

Suitman: "I suppose stocking the shelves is more important than checking out customers."
Me: "Yes."
Suitman:"Does she not care?"
Me: "I don't--"
Suitman:"Her manager will probably care." begins drumming his finger on the conveyer belt
Me: "I think so."

Cashier girl, running up to the register: "Sorry, I had to stock the shelves. I am sorry."

As she is ringing up my purchases, here's what happens:

-She continues to say "I'm sorry"-no lie-about 10 more times
-She accidentally throws my very expensive soy hot dogs at me, they land on my feet ("Sorry, since they were frozen they just slipped out of my hand.")
-And then to cap off my experience...she sneezes no less than three times directly onto my groceries (makes me throw up in my mouth when I think about it)


Strike three.

I happen to not be in a big hurry, so this whole ordeal was slightly more humorous to me than say... if I had to pee, was starving, had already been waiting in line for an hour, Evelyn was currently screaming, or I was just in a bad mood. Apparently, it bothered Suitman. I can understand why...he's in a suit, so he must behave like a complete buttwipe. By the way, he was purchasing socks and coffee creamer.

Opps, did I say too much?

I mean, clearly this girl needs to take a few courses in Customer Relations or Walmart Checkout 101. Customers come first in retail. Always. So, I can totally understand Suitman's beef with Cashier Girl's lack of respect, but that doesn't give you a right to be rude either.

So, that's my experience in a nutshell. No, this is me in a nutshell. How 'bout them apples??






Answers to the Death Cab or Dork Quiz: 1) Death Cab 2) Dork 3) Death Cab 4) Dork, 5) could be a toss-up, it was thrown in to trick you, but I think I tricked myself...but, I will go with Death Cab.