Newsies, Murses, and Marathon Runners...Oh My!

Every day on my morning commute, as my car decelerates after cruising a good 25 miles over the speed limit (do as I say, not as I do), I come to the end of the Jones Falls Expressway, also known as Route 83. We must all be a sight. By "we" I mean my fellow sojourners and I. Coffee in one hand, cell phone in the other. Steering wheel with a mind of it's own. Windows open a crack and a half. Radio blasting. Sunglasses on, as the sun is quite literally rising over the horizon at the end of our route that leads into the bustling city.

As you approach the first light, you will inevitably be stopped. Doesn't matter what time of the morning, or how many cars are in front of you. I think I floored through this light all of twice since mid March. At said light is a tall, dark man. Note I did not say handsome, although many may disagree with my assesment. And while I do not find this man attractive, I find myself searching for him every morning. Because my dear friend, he is there every morning. I have named him Jamal. He is a newsie. A real, honest, hard working newsie. He stands at the street corner and chucks a Baltimore Enquirer at passersby, whether you like it or not. He actually will toss them into your car. If you pass him at any speed between 1-30 MPH, with any of your windows cracked, he will get that bad boy right into your vehicle. With astounding accuracy. I have never actually wanted one of these newspapers. One time, I did make a mistake of driving past him with my front passenger window open a smidgen and found myself with one in my lap.

I was shocked. Such strength and forcefulness. What a presumptious man, to believe I wanted one because my window was open. After that, I think I fell in love with his speed and swiftness.

I do wonder why they hire people like him (I have seen others, but no one who seems to do the job with such force and efficency as Jamal). I am glad he has work. And, he has become one of the many faces I look forward to seeing every day. Not only because it means I am nearing the end of my journey, but also because he is fun to watch as I sit at the light. Sometimes I wonder how he doesn't find himself run over. We are all aggressive drivers with lack of sleep and therefore find ourselves to be very unaware of the slowing down process. So, as I appraoched the end of the expressway today, I came over the hill and turn with an expectant smile on my face.

Good morning Jamal!

Except.

Alas.

This morning.

No Jamal.

I found myself fearful of his whereabouts. Is he ok? Sick? Day off? One of his kids sick? Did he ...get run over? Gulp. Needless to say, my morning was off after that moment. Then, I saw a well intentioned man with a murse.

The Urban Dictionary defines a murse as follows:

A man-purse. Very fashion-forward right now, seen on many hipster guys. The line between a messenger bag and murse is very fluid - typically a murse is a bit smaller than a traditional messenger, and may have a slightly more stylized look to it. A murse can also be used to carry a laptop computer - one of the reasons it is so popular right now.

For example:

"Wow, Mark's new laptop fits perfectly into that small bag he carries"

"Yeah, that's a great murse. It matches his American apparel shirt."

*Do not confuse the noun "murse" with the personal pronoun "Murse" defined as a male nurse.*

Except, this man should not have been carrying a murse. There are just some men who, forgive me, but cannot pull off the murse look. I was reminded of the episode of Friends when Rachel makes Joey carry around a murse.

My advice. Return it. Purchase a bookbag or a nice briefcase.

Then I realized today how many people who live in downtown Baltimore run. And many of them run (or walk) with their dogs. It's almost like as soon as you move to Federal Hill (the ritzy part of the Harbor) you purchase man's best friend and take up running. Most of them are ridiculously good looking. Even the women. Well-toned. Tan. I mean, most of them look like serious runners too. Not just your average..."oh, I guess I'll go for a run today" kind of people. Nope. Somewhere between the kids, dog walking, 50 hour work week, maintaining a house, and socializing with other people like themselves, they find time for marathons. Who knows how they do it?

And most of the men are shirtless or they are decked out in some nice Under Armour paraphernalia, naturally causing a girl like me to stumble. The women too, are so blasted hot, it makes me lust a little just to look at them. Kidding. But really people, do you have to have it all?

Nice house.

Rockin body.

Sweet wardrobe.

Great job.

Sigh.

Then I remember what God has for me in heaven and it can't even compare to this. I personally will be holding out for the streets of gold. Yeah buddy. Sweet.