So, I was at the local library today with my little friend Evelyn. We were searching for some cookbooks (as I have found myself needing projects while I spend on average 10 hours a day with her), some CD's (Death Cab for Cutie is my current favorite), and some children's books (we have to pass the time somehow). We were almost finished our search and had even played a little in the children's area, it's perfect for kids her size and age, when I had an epiphany. Closing the baby gate behind me to lock the little cherubs in their room-sized play area, I stared out before me and saw many other mothers with their young children. The kids were happily playing on the mini slide and romping around on the fun, comfy cushions. Back to my epiphany.
Often times, while sitting in these children's areas, mothers tend to eye you up and down, take a quick gander at your child (or in this case, my charge), and then start up some light conversations, if they have decided you are worth their time. If they have concluded you are "one of them", they will usually begin with some typical questions about your child. It's as if to say, "I give a crap about you and your little one". However, there are times when the verbal rhetoric doesn't begin until little Johnny decides to take a book from your child, or beat her in the head with a wooden block, or even pet her, stare at her, or the children begin to socialize in some small way.
Funny Story Time: So, today at the library, Evelyn was going down the slide. She loved it. And I love it because it is an activity she will attend to for more than .5 seconds. Anyhow, she was minding her own business when Felix (I have named the blond haired little boy this because these days it seems to be a free for all when it comes to naming your kids. I believe one of my favorite celebrities on LOST just named his child Wynter) decided to join her. Ok. Acceptable. Border line cute even; yet, she felt a little threatened by this, so she moved on to the little book area. Felix follows her and proceeds to take every book from her that she takes off the shelf. Well, Evelyn takes it like a trooper and just goes back for more books. Meanwhile my instinct kicks in and I find myself thinking "slug him Evie". That just shows you my sinful heart in action, but my little friend had much grace and compassion and just looked at him and smiled, then went back to the slide.
Meanwhile, Felix's mother AND father are sitting right there. Not saying anything mind you. What the crap?? But then, dad steps in and says "give the book back to the little girl please". Ok, ok. This is good. Cause meanwhile, I was about to intervene and it wasn't going to be pretty. Haha. You think all is well now in little Toddler Village, don't you? But, no. How simple if that were true. Mom then decided to step in and she retorts with, "But honey, he's giving the books back to her".
WHAT?
Had you been paying your child any mind, you would have seen that he was, in fact,
taking the books and
not giving them back. And if for a moment you looked up from your selfishness, you would see that he was only giving them back because HE WAS TAKING THEM FROM HER!!!!!
Maybe kids have a better grasp at socializing than we do. Atleast they interact, even if it is invading personal space. It's not fake at all for them. They want something, so they take it. They see a friend going down the slide, so they join in. We have much to learn from our toddler friends.
Confession time: Sometimes I see the cute mom with the Vera Bradley bag on her shoulder, the J Crew shorts on, the Kate Spade diaper bag, the new Rumor cell phone, and the posh stroller to boot...and I want to beat her. Or be her friend. Or beat her. Or talk to her. Or ignore her. Or hurt her because I can't stand how cute she is standing there. Normally I choose the "pleasant conversation" route, and I chatter away, mostly about the kids.
Here's where my epiphany comes in, it's like this unspoken agreement that we are all essentially, the same woman. We want to be well put together and say all the right things. We want our children to be perfect copies of us. A "mini-me" so to speak. We want to raise our kids to not hit other children, to have the best manners, and to look cute. We want them to eat organic food, or low sodium. We want to give them all the world has to offer, without all the bad stuff. We want them to be soccer stars, ballet dancers, doctors, and firefighters. In essence, we want them to be someone. To mean something. And to acheive.
I find this so interesting because it's like I am apart of this world, but such an imposter as well. I don't own a child. Excuse me, I mean to say...I don't have offspring, or a husband for that matter to complain about how he never wants to do the dishes or how there is no time for him and me anymore.
I feel like this gives me some added perspective, to be apart of it all, but so not at the same time.
Today was a fun expereince. As the director of a day care, I have had my fair share of encounters with parents of all sorts. I have seen the apathetic parents, the over-proctective parents, the ones that go with the flow, the ones that want you work magic in a day and potty train their chld. I have seen the angry parent, the silly parent, the "I want to be my child's best friend" kind of parent. I have seen the parent who has no idea what is going on in their child's life at all. The parents who over schedule their child. Each parent wants to make their child into the best version of themselves.
I know there is no handbook given to you when you give birth. No required classes. No "this is how to raise a child kind of advice". But come on people!! Use some common sense! There is God's Word though, and it's the best source of direction I have found on how to raise a child.
One last story before we part. I was at the checkout counter with Evie. We were preparing to go, I was getting things checked out and Evie was pulling all the books off the shelf (because for some reason they have books at her eye level at the check out counter). I am thinking to myself, "This is going to be a mess. I am going to have to clean this up or wait for her to clean it up. I don't really feel like either of those options". So, I simply say "No, no Evie. Please stop."
The old, crotchy woman behind me says, "Ohhhh, let her go. She's organizing and having a good time."
I'm sorry. What did you just say to me?
Did you really just tell me what to do with my child?
Ok, so I know she's not my child, but for all intents and purposes, she is mine during the day and she is obviously my responsibility. I had clearly set down a command for Evie to follow and now I have Old Crotchy Lady telling me how to raise her. Need I mention the reason previously stated as to why I did not want her to "organize" the books in the first place?
So, while I have a lot to say on the subject on how parents should raise their children, the truth is...we are all going to do this thing the way we want to. So, forget what I have to say. Or not. Whatever. I just know that I have been enlightened on this subject and I am going to do my best to be a great parent some day, if God so chooses.
Yes friends. All of the above is true. It has certainly not been my day, my week, my month or even my year. However, my focus for this particular blog entry is how this has just not been my day. Don't get me wrong. I have an amazing life and am enjoying myself here in Baltimore, but what fun would that be to write about? You need action, adventure, drama. And the drama my life unfolds is second only to the drama found on Grey's Anatomy. Haha. So, without further ado (never understood that word, but whatever) I give you...my day.
